With International Friendship Day on 30th July 2025, it’s important to think about how you can be your own friend. Imagine your best friend came to you feeling like a failure after making a mistake. Would you roll your eyes and say, “You always mess things up”? Probably not. You’d offer understanding, remind them of their strengths, and maybe even crack a smile to lift their spirits. But when you make a mistake, does that kindness go out the window?
That harsh inner monologue—that’s your inner critic speaking. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) offers a powerful lens to challenge and reframe those thoughts so you can treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you give others.
The Inner Critic: Where It Comes From
Our inner critic is shaped by early life experiences, societal standards, and the belief that being tough on ourselves is the only way to stay motivated or improve. But research consistently shows that self-compassion, not self-criticism, leads to better emotional resilience, motivation, and wellbeing.
CBT helps us notice our thoughts, challenge the unhelpful ones, and replace them with more balanced, constructive alternatives.
Would You Say That to a Friend?
One of my favourite CBT techniques is asking: “Would I say this to someone I care about?”
For example, imagine thinking:
“I completely blew that presentation. I’m useless.”
Pause. Now reframe that as if you’re speaking to a friend:
“You were nervous, and that’s okay. It didn’t go perfectly, but you prepared hard and showed courage. You’ll learn from it.”
That shift isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about creating realistic, supportive thoughts rooted in facts, not fear.
Try This CBT Exercise: The Compassionate Voice
Write down a recent situation where you were self-critical.
Capture the critical thought. (“I’m not good enough.”)
Ask: Would I say this to a friend? If not, what would you say?
Write a compassionate response. (“It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone has off days.”)
Repeat this often, and you’ll start developing a more balanced inner dialogue.
Being Your Own Friend Isn’t Indulgent—It’s Foundational
Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook; it means creating a mindset where growth is possible without shame. If CBT teaches us one thing, it’s this: Your thoughts are not facts. You get to examine them, challenge them, and choose what to believe.
So next time that inner critic pipes up, ask yourself: If someone I loved were in my shoes, what would I say to them?
How EMDR Can Help with Little “t” and Big “T” Trauma
Trauma is different for everyone, but it can have a big impact on how we feel, connect with others, and go about our daily lives. When people think about trauma, they often imagine huge, life-altering events—things like natural disasters, abuse, or war. But there’s another kind of trauma that’s quieter yet still powerful. Therapists often call them “little t” trauma and “big T” trauma. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a powerful tool and proven to be super effective therapy method for dealing with both kinds and I use it to help individuals overcome the grip of trauma.
By guiding clients through structured sessions that engage both memory and bilateral stimulation, EMDR allows the brain to reprocess distressing experiences in a safe and supportive environment. This transformative approach not only reduces the emotional weight of past events but also fosters resilience and healing, unlocking a pathway to a brighter, more empowered future.
So, let’s dive into what these types of trauma are and how EMDR can make a difference.
What’s the Difference Between “Little t” and “Big T” Trauma?
Before we get into how EMDR works, it’s good to understand what “little t” and “big T” trauma mean. Both can leave a mark on someone’s life, but they’re different in how they show up.
“Big T” Trauma
“Big T” trauma happens when someone goes through a major, scary event that threatens their safety or wellbeing. These are the moments that leave people shaken to their core. Examples include:
Surviving a car crash
Being physically or sexually assaulted
Witnessing or experiencing combat in the military
Going through a natural disaster like a hurricane or earthquake
Difficult birth
People who go through these events might develop PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), which can show up as flashbacks, feeling constantly on edge, or shutting down emotionally. The good news? EMDR is a powerful tool that can help people work through these intense experiences.
“Little t” Trauma
On the flip side, “little t” trauma is made up of smaller, everyday events that might not seem like a big deal to others but still hurt deeply. These experiences can add up over time and include things like:
Growing up with constant criticism or feeling neglected
Being bullied at school or work
Dealing with a tough breakup or divorce
Feeling like a failure or not good enough
These might not lead to PTSD, but they can still cause anxiety, sadness, and a shaky sense of self. Since “little t” trauma often comes from relationships, it can really affect how people see themselves and interact with others.
Why Is EMDR So Useful for Both Kinds of Trauma?
What’s great about EMDR is that it works whether your trauma is a huge, life-changing event or a series of smaller hurts. Here’s how it helps:
For “Big T” Trauma
Dealing with “big T” trauma can feel overwhelming, so EMDR takes things step by step. For instance, someone who survived a terrifying car accident might start by tackling smaller pieces of what happened. Over time, EMDR helps them feel safe and in control again.
For those who’ve lived through something like a natural disaster, the memories might come back in flashes, making it hard to move forward. EMDR helps tone down the emotional intensity, letting them process what happened without reliving it constantly.
For “Little t” Trauma
Even though “little t” trauma might not seem as big, it can stick with you in sneaky ways. For example, growing up with constant criticism might leave someone believing they’re not good enough. EMDR helps reframe those old beliefs into something kinder and more confident.
Or, a person who faced bullying might feel stuck in patterns of mistrust or self-doubt. EMDR can help break those patterns, making way for healthier relationships and self-esteem.
Wrapping It Up
EMDR is a game-changer for tackling trauma, whether it’s the big, life-altering kind or the quieter, everyday struggles that still leave a mark. By helping people reprocess tough memories, EMDR makes it possible to move forward with renewed strength and confidence. If you or someone you know is wrestling with the effects of trauma, EMDR might just be the tool to help turn the page and start a new chapter of healing.
Ever felt stuck in a loop of negative thinking and unhelpful behaviours? Behavioural experiments, a core component of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), might be the key to breaking free and embracing positive change. Let’s explore how these experiments work and how they can promote meaningful transformation.
What are Behavioural Experiments?
Behavioural experiments are practical exercises designed to test and challenge negative beliefs and assumptions. They are like mini scientific experiments but applied to your thoughts and behaviours. The goal is to gather evidence that either supports or refutes your beliefs, helping you develop a more balanced and realistic perspective.
How Behavioural Experiments Work
1. Identifying Negative Beliefs
The first step is to pinpoint the negative beliefs that are holding you back. These might include thoughts like “I can’t do anything right” or “People will judge me if I speak up.” By identifying these beliefs, you and your therapist can design experiments to test their validity.
2. Designing the Experiment
Next, you and your therapist will plan a behavioural experiment to test the identified belief. This involves predicting what you think will happen and then carrying out an action to see if your prediction is accurate. For example, if you believe you’ll embarrass yourself if you speak in public, the experiment might involve giving a short presentation to a small group.
3. Conducting the Experiment
With your experiment planned, it’s time to put it into action. This step can be daunting, but it’s essential for gathering real-world evidence about your beliefs. During the experiment, observe your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours closely.
4. Reviewing the Results
After the experiment, you and your therapist will review the results. Did things turn out as you predicted, or was the outcome different? This reflection helps you see whether your negative beliefs hold true or if they can be challenged and changed.
The Benefits of Behavioural Experiments
1. Breaking Negative Cycles
Behavioural experiments can help break the cycle of negative thinking and unhelpful behaviours. By testing and challenging your beliefs, you can develop new, healthier ways of thinking and acting.
2. Building Confidence
As you successfully complete behavioural experiments, your confidence grows. Seeing that your predictions aren’t always accurate can empower you to tackle new challenges and push beyond your comfort zone.
3. Enhancing Problem-Solving Skills
Behavioural experiments encourage a proactive approach to problem-solving. They help you think critically about your beliefs and find practical ways to test and challenge them.
4. Promoting Lasting Change
The insights gained from behavioural experiments can lead to lasting changes in your thought patterns and behaviours. By continuing to apply these strategies, you can maintain your progress and build a more positive, fulfilling life.
Final Thoughts
Behavioural experiments in CBT are a powerful tool for promoting change and challenging negative beliefs. By approaching your thoughts and behaviours with a scientific mindset, you can gather evidence, build confidence, and foster meaningful transformation. So, if you’re ready to break free from negative cycles and embrace positive change, consider incorporating behavioural experiments into your CBT journey.
Remember, it’s always a good idea to seek out a professional therapist to guide you through the process. They can provide personalized support and help you make the most out of this powerful technique
Ever find yourself spiralling down a rabbit hole of negative thoughts, feeling like there’s no escape?
If that sounds familiar, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) might just be the game changer you’re looking for. Let’s delve into how CBT can help transform those pesky negative thoughts into positive, empowering ones.
What is CBT?
Cognitive behavioural therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviours. The idea is pretty straightforward: our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all interconnected. By tweaking our thoughts and behaviours, we can change our emotional responses, leading to a happier, more fulfilling life.
How CBT Works
1. Identifying Negative Thought Patterns The first step in CBT is recognizing the negative thought patterns that often go unnoticed. These can be automatic thoughts, like “I’m not good enough,” or more complex beliefs, like “I’ll never be happy.” By bringing these thoughts to the surface, we can start to challenge and change them.
2. Challenging Negative Thoughts Once we’ve identified these negative thoughts, the next step is to challenge them. This involves questioning their validity and considering alternative perspectives. For example, if you constantly think you’re a failure, CBT might encourage you to look at your past successes and accomplishments to provide a more balanced view.
3. Replacing Negative Thoughts After challenging the negative thoughts, CBT focuses on replacing them with more positive, realistic ones. This might involve affirmations, visualizations, or simply reminding yourself of your strengths and achievements.
4. Behavioural Changes CBT also involves making practical changes in your behaviour to support your new, positive mindset. This might include setting small, achievable goals, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
The Benefits of CBT
Increased Self-Esteem: As you start to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll likely notice an improvement in your self-esteem. CBT helps you recognize your worth and build a more positive self-image.
Better Relationships: Improved mental health and self-esteem often lead to better relationships. When you feel good about yourself, you’re more likely to engage in healthy, fulfilling relationships with others.
Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills: CBT teaches you to approach problems with a more balanced, rational mindset. This can enhance your problem-solving skills and make you more resilient in the face of challenges.
Greater Life Satisfaction: Ultimately, the goal of CBT is to improve your overall life satisfaction. By transforming negative thoughts into positive ones, CBT can help you lead a happier, more fulfilling life.
Final Thoughts
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a powerful tool for anyone looking to overcome negative thoughts and improve their mental health. With its focus on changing thought patterns and behaviours, CBT can help you build a more positive, empowering mindset.
So, if you’re tired of feeling stuck in a cycle of negativity, consider giving CBT a try. It might just be the secret weapon you need to transform your life.
Remember, it’s always a good idea to seek out a professional therapist to guide you through the CBT process. They can provide personalised support and help you make the most out of this transformative therapy.
It’s Mental Health Awareness week 2024: with the theme of “Movement: Moving more for our mental health”
So, how do we define movement?
Well, it can be any type of movement that has a positive benefit on your social, emotional, and physical wellbeing. If it is meaningful, rewarding and you enjoy it, then you are more likely to repeat it.
Engaging in any type of meaningful activity that gives a sense of pleasure, achievement and purpose will improve your mental health, reduce anxiety, depression, low mood and improve your self-esteem. Participating in activity that we enjoy, such as exercise, whether it be walking in the fresh air, working out at a gym, or going to a yoga class, can have such positive effects on our wellbeing.
If exercise isn’t for you, movement doesn’t need to be structured, it can be any type of physical activity, which increases your movement, which could include domestic chores, necessary tasks, playing football with your children, dancing around the house or walking to the shop.
However, sometimes this feels tricky if we are experiencing low mood and a loss of motivation.
When this happens, we probably start to move less as we start to avoid engaging in some of our daily activities. As you avoid these activities, you then reduce your opportunity for social and personal activities that give you pleasure and achievement. Behavioural activation is a treatment technique used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help you to address avoidance and focus on activities to reestablish daily routines, increase pleasurable activities, and address important necessary tasks, therefore, increasing movement and supporting positive wellbeing.
This strategy helps clients to re-engage in activities to improve their level of pleasure and achievement, improving their mood and improving their positive thoughts leading to an increase in motivation.
How do we overcome this:
Make a list of activities that you’ve stopped doing (routine, pleasurable and necessary)
Think about new activities that you might like to start
Start small and try to plan and schedule activities into your day starting with the easiest, e.g., go for a daily walk
Be consistent
Regular small activities are better in the early stages to reduce procrastination and to encourage motivation.
Therefore… just try a little bit of extra movement and see the positive benefits on your wellbeing.
Find out more about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in Shean’s earlier blogLearn more about Shean and her approach to therapy with her clients
