Conversations with members of the childless community identified the following examples of supportive steps that a workplace can take:
If someone is TTC (trying to conceive), are policies supportive?
Staff undergoing fertility treatment may be required to take sick leave or annual leave for appointments & recovery time. This can result in work/life balance being even more difficult to achieve during an emotionally & physically demanding time. Also consider what an employee might need if treatment is unsuccessful.
More awareness (especially in all female teams) of how making children / motherhood the focus of team “chat” can result in childless staff members feeling side-lined.
If a team member is visiting to introduce their new baby, consider facilitating this away from the main / open plan office. This enables existing staff to have choice regarding their involvement. If this isn’t possible, arranging a specific time can again facilitate choice.
On a similar note, recognition that not all team members will feel able to / want to attend “baby showers” or similar such events.
Ensure that policies & practices are inclusive of staff members with caring responsibilities not involving parenthood. It is not uncommon, for example, for a care package to be cancelled or changed with little notice. How might this impact a member of your team?
Everyone’s lives, inside & outside of work, matter.
Further Information
World Childless Week – Further information about childlessness in the workplace and creating positive change can be found on the website
This may seem like a harmless conversation opener, but for some it can touch on some very painful experiences.
A few facts …
One fifth of British people AFAB (assigned female at birth) will not have had a child by their early 40’s.
One quarter of British people AMAB (assigned male at birth) over 42 will not have had a child.
Terminology:
“Childfree” Usually refers to someone who has actively chosen not to have children
“Childless” Someone who wants or wished to have a child but can’t / couldn’t
Sometimes referred to as “childless not by choice”
Some find the term “childless” offensive as it implies you are “less” because you haven’t had a child
Another term used within the childless community is NOMO – not a mother
“Social infertility” or “circumstantial infertility”
This refers to people who, through no medical reason, have not had children e.g. they haven’t met a partner
A few reasons why some people may be childless:
Fertility treatment didn’t succeed
Miscarriage or stillbirth
Partner didn’t want to have children
Partner already has children (& didn’t want to have another child)
Physical health (self / partner)
Mental health (self / partner)
Cancer treatment
Early menopause
Abusive relationship
No obvious reason found (described as “unexplained infertility’)
Things to avoid saying:
“I know it will work out for you” (this might seem well intentioned, but none of us know the future, & we risk not hearing someone’s experience)
“At least you get to have regular lie-ins / cheaper holidays / lots of free time” (consolation prizes don’t exist)
“You don’t truly know love until you’ve had a child” (love is love & takes many forms)
“You could always adopt” (adoption for many is emotionally complex & the need to be biologically linked to a child can be very strong)
Things to consider:
Pets or “fur babies” can be hugely important to someone who is childless & can be life enhancing.
Someone who is childless may still have significant caring responsibilities (& within some families, it can be assumed that a childless family member is free to step up).
“Parent” can also be a verb – to care about & nurture the welfare of another human being or animal is something many people value doing & can be a fundamental part of who they are.
The childless community is diverse with needs that can differ.
Further information:
Communities
The Childless Collective A community for childless people, including the opportunity to cultivate new friendships
The benefits of spending time in nature on mental and physical wellbeing are well documented.
However, what if this is difficult to do? It appears that there are various ways of benefitting from the natural environment.
One research study in the Netherlands found that participants viewing images of urban scenes that included “green stimulus” (images of nature) had lower stress levels compared to participants viewing images that didn’t include nature.
In Australia, a study in which houseplants were introduced to office environments was found to boost happiness, and productivity levels rose up to 15%.
Ways to get green stimulus into your life:
**Consider having a houseplant or two within your living space & if you work, within the space you spend most time
**Try placing nature/green images (photos. postcards, greetings cards, posters) around your living space or, for smart phone users, try creating a folder of nature / green images
**Consider changing your wallpaper and/or screensaver to nature / green images if you regularly use a laptop or other device
**If you are struggling to access nature, many local areas & parks run projects to support people to access the outdoors – this might include ‘Wellbeing Walks’ or other outdoor activities
**To find a green space or park local to you, the Fields in Trust website has a “Fields Finder”
**Many local parks also contain outdoor gyms. Find your local one via the Great Outdoor Gym Company (TGO)
**The Accessible Countryside for Everyone (ACE) website has information about UK accessible spaces (primarily aimed at those with mobility needs, their carers and families).
During Mental Health Awareness Week, MD Kate Jackson shares some simple breathing techniques to help you overcome any anxiety or panic
Mental Health Awareness Week is the ideal time to offer up some tips on how to overcome anxiety and panic with some easy breathing techniques.
At times like this, it’s important to realise just how many people may be struggling, not feeling themselves, or looking for some support to help them cope with difficult times.
So, in this blog (and video at the bottom), I want to offer ideas for overcoming anxiety and panic by using some simple breathing techniques.
Breathing techniques can be helpful in managing anxiety and panic because they can help regulate the body’s physiological response to stress.
Anxiety and panic
When we experience anxiety or panic, our bodies activate the ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response, which can cause physical symptoms like rapid breathing, increased heart rate, and muscle tension.
By practicing controlled breathing techniques, we can activate the body’s relaxation response, which can counteract the ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response and reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety and panic.
There are various sorts of relaxation techniques such as: guided imagery/visualisation, progressive muscle relaxation and autogenic relaxation, which is a form of relaxation from within the body.
And just a reminder of what relaxation – a word we use all of the time – actually is.
Relaxation is….
Is when the body and mind are free from tension and anxiety
Isn’t only about peace of mind or enjoying a hobby
Is something that decreases the effects of stress on your mind and body
Techniques can help us with everyday worries like depression and anxiety
Turn off your phone
So, while watching this video, the best ways to make the most of out it, is to ensure that…
You practice relaxation before having a meal or at least one hour afterwards
Choose a quiet and private place to relax where there are no distractions
Turn off your phone
Ask your family not to disturb you
Ensure the room you are in is warm and cosy
Dim the lights
Wear loose and comfortable clothing
Close your eyes if you are happy to do so.
By practicing these and other breathing techniques regularly, you can develop a sense of control over your breathing and reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety and panic.
It is important to note, however, that breathing techniques should not be used as a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you are experiencing severe or persistent symptoms of anxiety or panic, it is important to reach out to a health professional.
Have you ever felt like you were not good enough for a role? Felt out of your depth? Or felt like someone might call you out? Then Rebecca Woods has some words of comfort as she looks into ‘imposter syndrome’.
The term ‘Imposter Syndrome’ originates from the 1970’s when two psychologists, Clance and Imes, observed that many successful professors, administrators and students they supported were concerned they would be revealed as frauds.
Imposter Syndrome is a term often used when we are doubting our abilities or feel we may not be ‘good enough’ in some way. Within the workplace, this may include feeling we are not up to delivering a task we have been set, or that we are not worthy of a promotion.
We feel this way due to perceived personal shortcomings, but sometimes we may label something as Imposter Syndrome when it isn’t.
To use a flower analogy, a dandelion can grow anywhere … but what if you aren’t a dandelion?
Some reasons why we may feel we aren’t “good enough” …
Why we feel we are not good enough
A physical environment that doesn’t support our needs – the social model of disability states that people are disabled by barriers in society rather than by their difference, yet we may perceive challenges as being our responsibility. How accessible is the environment for YOU?
An unsupportive culture – perhaps we are in a culture that doesn’t align with our values or where we feel misunderstood, unseen or different.
On the flip side, we may want and need the opportunity to be treated the same as everyone else but other people, or the environment itself, may not enable this.
Neurodivergence – those of us with neurodivergence may have different needs than those we spend time with. We may need information to be delivered in a different way, or notice or be impacted by things that others around us aren’t aware of.
Menopause
Hormonal shifts during times such as pregnancy, perimenopause and menopause mean we may react differently than usual to sensory information such as smells, sounds or temperature.
Similarly, illness, disability, the ageing process or life events such as bereavement or childlessness can result in our needs changing or us feeling that we don’t ‘fit’.
Communication is key to building positive relationships and connection – not everyone benefits from the same communicate style, or processes information in the same way or at the same speed.
In a work environment, some things that might help include …
Raise concerns
Speaking to your line manager to raise your concerns
“I had not been particularly present and had been rushing through life without noticing things. I had forgotten how pausing and taking things in more can prevent stress.” – Kate
I have recently reminded myself how valuable the activity of mindfulness is to help us focus if we are feeling stressed or procrastinating.
It has been a challenging few weeks for me supporting my family and balancing work life with my family life and home life.
I had been doing a lot on all fronts and then felt like I wasn’t doing a good enough job with any of them.
I had not been particularly present and had been rushing through life without noticing things. I had forgotten how pausing and taking things in more can prevent stress.
MINDFULNESS
It was only when I noticed something I hadn’t noticed for a while that I had a moment… it made me pause and realise the importance of getting the balance right. It reminded me that I don’t have to do everything at once and that it’s good to be a bit kinder to myself.
Mindfulness practices like bringing your mind back to the present and not getting lost in what has happened in the past – and what may happen in the future – can help reduce stress levels and anxiety.
From a personal perspective, mindfulness practices help keep my mental health in good shape, and that had slipped a bit when my life was thrown into a bit of chaos.
Thankfully, things are calmer and more positive now and I am on catch-up at work so here’s a few tips to help you if you ever feeling a bit like I did a few weeks ago.
1) TAKE A BREAK
If you find yourself unable to focus and are procrastinating, walk away and take a break to interrupt your thoughts. Move away from the room you are in, go outside and take 5 or 10 mins away for a change of scenery.
Get outside and enjoy some fresh air, no matter what the weather is, embrace it, even if you have to wear a big coat.
Take time to reset and walk away. We think we don’t have time to do these things but if we allow ourselves to do them, we tend to work quicker and are more productive.
2) FIND A MOTIVATOR
Not a reward but maybe something that your future self will thank you for. Tell yourself: ‘If I get these two jobs done, my future self will thank me for it’. Not too big a goal, just something realistic.
3) SELF KINDNESS
The way we are feeling is not permanent, it’s temporary and tomorrow is a new day. Know that next week, things tend to feel better. Don’t get too caught up in the frustrations if you are struggling to focus.
