With International Friendship Day on 30th July 2025, it’s important to think about how you can be your own friend. Imagine your best friend came to you feeling like a failure after making a mistake. Would you roll your eyes and say, “You always mess things up”? Probably not. You’d offer understanding, remind them of their strengths, and maybe even crack a smile to lift their spirits. But when you make a mistake, does that kindness go out the window?
That harsh inner monologue—that’s your inner critic speaking. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) offers a powerful lens to challenge and reframe those thoughts so you can treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you give others.
The Inner Critic: Where It Comes From
Our inner critic is shaped by early life experiences, societal standards, and the belief that being tough on ourselves is the only way to stay motivated or improve. But research consistently shows that self-compassion, not self-criticism, leads to better emotional resilience, motivation, and wellbeing.
CBT helps us notice our thoughts, challenge the unhelpful ones, and replace them with more balanced, constructive alternatives.
Would You Say That to a Friend?
One of my favourite CBT techniques is asking: “Would I say this to someone I care about?”
For example, imagine thinking:
“I completely blew that presentation. I’m useless.”
Pause. Now reframe that as if you’re speaking to a friend:
“You were nervous, and that’s okay. It didn’t go perfectly, but you prepared hard and showed courage. You’ll learn from it.”
That shift isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about creating realistic, supportive thoughts rooted in facts, not fear.
Try This CBT Exercise: The Compassionate Voice
- Write down a recent situation where you were self-critical.
- Capture the critical thought. (“I’m not good enough.”)
- Ask: Would I say this to a friend? If not, what would you say?
- Write a compassionate response. (“It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone has off days.”)
Repeat this often, and you’ll start developing a more balanced inner dialogue.
Being Your Own Friend Isn’t Indulgent—It’s Foundational
Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook; it means creating a mindset where growth is possible without shame. If CBT teaches us one thing, it’s this: Your thoughts are not facts. You get to examine them, challenge them, and choose what to believe.
So next time that inner critic pipes up, ask yourself: If someone I loved were in my shoes, what would I say to them?
Then say that to yourself. And mean it.
